Beautiful Lies
by No one specific
Summary: You lie to yourself every day when you disregard every good thing that you’ve done for us, just because you were unable to do the impossible." Laile, Tris. Spoilers for book 3. Character death.


**Beautiful Lies  
by No one specific**

"_TRIS!! TRIS!!"_

You've learned a lot during your life. For you it was most useful to learn how to hide. Physically, you couldn't, so you chose to hide inside yourself. Inside of you is every reason that you could ever need to lie to yourself.

It's a scary world. You were too young when you learned that. You learned how ugly the world that made you so beautiful was. You planned to live your 'life' alone, because you didn't believe that anything beautiful could stay.

You were proof—you were created so beautiful, but you'd die so young.

"_What…? Bastards…"  
"__...Tris… No… Shouldn't let anyone see you do that… in the church…"_

Laile was different than anything in your world. He cared about you from the moment he met you. But it wasn't just you, of course. He cared about everyone. He was so open.

You both knew that you weren't a member of Laile's family. You were Laile's future aide, and you knew that. Neither of you pretended that you were brothers, because you weren't.

Laile respected you. He was the first person who ever did, if you think about it. He was also honest with you.

But respect and honesty weren't trust, and it would take a long time for him to trust you as Tristram and not as his aide.

"_Ah…I'm fine… just got…grazed in the back…it doesn't even hurt. More importantly…I 'saw.' Those two…aren't your real enemies."_

You and Laile knew each other for three years. You never realized it, but it was you who made the first step to open up to Laile.

You were sitting there, together, when Laile turned to you and told you how beautiful you would be if you grew your hair out.

You turned to him and explained that you were created to serve a 'different type of master' and that commenting on your beauty wasn't flattering.

Laile was confused, but you knew he wasn't naïve. He just didn't want to believe that something so pretty could have been made to serve such an ugly purpose. You later learned that you were wrong, and that Laile was horrified that anyone would have dared to hurt you.

"_Two men, one blond-haired, one dark-haired… they were at parliament… they gave money to these two…"  
"__Got it. Now show me where you were shot."_

Together with Laile, you became so confident in a way you didn't think a Ravant could be. He showed you a world that you never dreamed about.

In Laile's world, giving up was impossible. In Laile's world, people weren't bad, and it was ok to trust people sometimes. Beauty like yours didn't have to be bad. You didn't have to die.

You thought it was a lie.

It was naïve, just like Laile, but so, so beautiful and you wanted so badly to believe that maybe just once it was true.

"It's all how you see it," Laile said as the two of you walked home one evening. He touched your shoulder, and a few strands of your pale pink hair brushed over his hand.

You tentatively pulled his hand off of your shoulder. He didn't pull his hand away from yours, and it became awkward for the two of you to be standing there, with your hands linked.

"Don't you see?" he asked, looking at your hands. "Anything is possible if you don't stop."

A bitter laugh escaped you lips. "So if I just want it, I'll be able to live longer than another 22 years?"

"There has to be a way," Laile said. "You won't die because of your set lifespan. I promise that."

"What can you do?" you asked incredulously.

Laile looked at you, and a strange thought entered your mind a thought that couldn't be true, but then Laile reached forward and kissed you.

Only in Laile's world could a human kiss a ravant, and only in Laile's world were you allowed to kiss back.

"Smile, Tris," he said. "I won't let go."

You ingrained that into your memories.

"_Tris… It's hard for you…"_

The day that you and Laile learned how to unlock a lifespan was by chance. Laile wanted to talk to his father, and you followed him. When he heard he turned to you. His eyes glowed and he threw himself around you.

"Tris!" he cried. "I'll never have to lose you!"

He pulled back and held you at arm's length. You almost saw tears in his eyes and hated yourself for making him cry, even though this was happiness.

You had never dared to believe that he could be right.

You hugged him tighter. You were so relieved that you wanted to hold him and cry and never stop crying. But you didn't dare, not in front on Laile, the epitome of hope, and comforted yourself in thinking about the reward that you could get.

"_...Because you hide everything…. Even though you're not a bad man…"_

You needed Laile by your side, because you couldn't do anything without him, in accordance to the laws. Laile was dependant on you, because he couldn't be alone.

It was assumed by both of you that you wouldn't get your lifespan unlocked. (Laile would deny this.) You convinced yourself that you wouldn't care. You planned to live out the rest of your life with Laile, working as hard as you can to make him as successful as he could be.

You tried to forget about your reward, because until you learned about unlocking your lifespan, you never thought about it before. You just wanted to go back.

But you couldn't. You wanted to live.

And you hated yourself for working so much harder for yourself and not for Laile.

Laile saw it to. After you forced yourself to push all these thoughts away, Laile confronted you about it, in the kind way that only Laile could.

"There are all kinds of things you're good at doing by yourself… and yet all of your efforts are for my benefit. Do you do it for what my father said? You know, the 'reward?'"

You didn't know what to say. Even with Laile's innocence that had contaminated your view on the world, you knew that every breath you took in was another moment that you spent with Laile and every breath you let out brought you that much closer to dying. All you could see was the latter part, and that numbed you.

"Actually," you forced a grin, "…until you just reminded me, I'd forgotten about it."

Laile wasn't the brightest, but he certainly wasn't dumb

The closest that you had ever been was when you kissed, and since learning that unlocking your lifespan was possible, you had drifted further apart, despite how much you loved each other. He knew that this wasn't right. He knew that this separation wasn't how it had always been.

"Are you still bothered by that?" you asked. "In the first place, a ravant doesn't have the right to work independently. And I'm having plenty of fun working my tail off for you."

Later you'd convince that it wasn't true, or at least not all true. You'd convince yourself that you said what you had to because Laile, although far too innocent for his own good, was a good person, and you didn't want him to see anything ugly.

But you'd doubt that, because when he said to you, "Thanks, Tris," he was sincere, and he looked at you with his deep eyes that trusted you, and that made you happy.

"_Don't worry! It's not a major wound! Shirakusa! Is Shirakusa still around?!"_

The world Laile showed you had softened you and warmed you. He taught you that your beauty, just like all things beautiful, didn't have to end. He showed you that no matter what purpose anything served, it could be amazing.

Even though you were made to be beautiful so you could serve a 'different' purpose, Laile showed you that you didn't have to be used for something so _wrong_, and even the wrong could be so right.

Laile was only one person, and the reality of another world that denied what Laile said confused you. You wanted to be with Laile, but you couldn't just let yourself block out the rest of the world.

"_I didn't think…you would get this flustered over me."_

When the war reached your village, the house that you lived in with Laile was the first attacked in a rampage. You and Laile ran as fast as you could, with Laile right behind you, shouting.

"Run, Tris! Come on!"

The heat of the burning building increased. You stopped hearing Laile as you ran. Your heart pounded in your chest, and you stopped hearing anything.

When you got outside, you collapsed on the ground, panting. That was one of the problems of having such a large house, you mused. It was hard to get out of.

"We made it, Laile," you panted. You rolled over, and realized that Laile wasn't there.

The realization hit you when you saw the fires burning, leaving you in the chaos. You started crying, because suddenly Laile wasn't there to give you happiness or hope. And you cried.

When the fires died, you tried to find Laile's body, but it wasn't there. It was gone. All the hope you had was gone.

It was too cruel that Laile, beautiful, pure Laile, would never get a proper grave.

It was too cruel that you were left alone. You'd die alone when you were 35, since no one would be there to unlock your lifespan.

You were afraid and alone and you couldn't handle grief. Because no one could handle grief when they were suddenly all alone and forced to fight for their survival.

"_I thought that maybe…you hated me…"_

Over the years you convinced yourself that you cried because of your lost lifespan. You tried to, even though you always had glimmers of doubt.

You were slowly dying, and now, instead of each breath you took in being another moment with Laile, and each breath you let out bringing you closer to death, it was each breath you took bringing you farther from Laile, and each breath that escaped closer to death.

You force yourself to see yourself as someone who is selfish and cold on the inside and projects the image of love, and of beautiful lies, on the outside. All this, only so you can manipulate something.

"_What are you talking about?! That's nonsense!"_

You love Shirakusa, Aoi, Mia, and Disfield. I didn't have to look very far to see that, even though you do.

You still wear your hair long, just the way that Laile wanted. Even though you say that you cried for your own lost life, and not for the loss of your best friend, your lover, the proof is flowing down you shoulders. If anyone else knew about Laile, they'd see it.

You lied to yourself so much. You used me as an excuse to push all your thoughts far away, and 'close' your mind. But you slipped and 'opened' your mind a few times.

You lie to yourself every day when you disregard every good thing that you've done for us, just because you were unable to do the impossible.

"_Go ahead, read my mind!! You understand now, don't you?!"  
"…__It's true… This makes me… so happy…"_

One day, for your sake—because it doesn't matter to me—I hope you feel safe enough to let go of your burden and to tell someone else what you know and who you are, and to let go of the grief of losing Laile.

But more importantly, to be able to show yourself as the beautiful person Laile knew you were, to others and to yourself.

For now take comfort that I knew the truth that you have hidden from everyone, and that for now the answers that will eventually shatter your ugly lies will die with me.

* * *

**I've wanted to write this for a long time, since reading the second book, but only in the third book did I find the ideal moment to put it.**

**This was mainly written and posted because of Chibi Hayaku Hashiru, who more or less convinced me to write/post it. So thanks!**

**5th Jihai fanfiction. Yes, I'm keeping count (because it's so hard to count to five...)**

**Oh, and on a side note, the story (not including the author's note) is exactly 2,000 words.**

**Remember: Reviews make the world go round. Spread the lღve. Leave a review.  
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